bittywoo

Jesse = Amazing =)... Oh got a new car , turned 24, yeppers

Fracture=awesome

another thought for today.... "someone please sugar coat my day!"

ahh the nineties wish I could go back.. SUMMERS then were so amazing! the lake great music me and my friends really had no cares just being us yep thats my thought for today.. Wish things were still the same now it takes quit a bit more effort to feel that free and have that much fun.

that by the end of the day I am going to not be to happy... there are alot of small things going through my head right now... I am an anxious irritated and just not to happy right now and I have this sick feeling in my stomach.

So it's been a few weeks since I have wrote I am sure there are a few things I can't remember but I Have gone camping. Had my birthday and went to Dallas.Gone to a couple parties.. Going camping was fun and interesting ha well it was a bit of a hassle to find a spot to camp because first off we thought we had found this really great spot away from people really close to the lake with a great fire pit but it was no go a ranger came up as we were unpacking out of the car and told us we had to pay like fifty dollars or find another spot ..... finish later..

So a few days ago me and Jess went to Kristin's apt. and in the apt. complex there was this puppy outside by himself and we picked him up and played with him for a bit and knocked on the door that he was standing in front of the lady came outside said it was not her but she was pretty sure it was the neighbors and said she could not keep the dog inside her apt. So we knocked on the neighbors door and the was no answer so we decided to take the dog with us a ways down to our friends house.. Hung out ate some food.. Very interesting people lol these people are the nerds the ones that think they are smarter than everyone else but they really aren't they just know more about things that don't matter lol.. any who left there and tried knocking on the door again still nothing so we stood around kinda trying to figure out what we were going to do with the puppy and we decided to take him with us and come back the next day to to see if they would answer the door .. well the lady we talked to outside was whispering to us that those people kept taking his collar off and leaving him outside so she thought that they kept just leaving him out there so somebody would take him! mean right.. SO I was pretty leery of taking the dog back over there so I kept him another night and then another and then another and now another lol So I am starting to think I am going to keep him he is very cute I think he is a chiweenie.. He has makings like a rot has with the brown and black. It also looks like he has a mask around his eyes like zorro =) But I think if I name him I will name him twiggy after my favorite person in manson of course not the model. .. or a twig... so anyway I am at Jesses house at the moment and I just have this awful irritant feeling of being overwhelmed. My mind is just been swirling here lately because either a change is going to happen or I need it to happen I am in this routine that is driving my bonkers! I don't know I am just not one for things being the same or in routine especially when I wasn't comfortable with it to begin with I am tired of my house I am tired of his house I am tired of going back in forth I am tired of feeling like I only actually do things every now and again I am tired of feeling slobby and I just want to change it and do something different and I want more than I have right now I want more money and more happiness for me and people around me and I want less frustration and for things to just stop being so damn difficult everything it seems like here lately is difficult just gettin gas for me today was difficult getting cookies yesterday is difficult thinking about things to make things better for myself is difficult... yadda yadda yadda..And the thing that frustrates me the most is that I feel like I have no control over my life like every decision I make is monitored and has an opinion that comes with it it's like jesus I am a me I am this girl I can make my own choices back the fuck off is what I feel like saying some times of course I don't cause well it's rude but anyway I don't know what to do to fix that problem either ... anyway I guess that enough of my bitchings

So I have had this thought in my mind about my friends how we all use to hang out together and party together as a group and how it is no longer like that and I wish we could all get together and have a good time ...well lastnight which was friday night Jess his sister a few of her friends justin and megan went to a place called booms (a gay bar) I was having a lot better time than I expected actually I was having a Great time! me and Jess were getting along great and having fun but then afterwards we decided to go to Jeremiah's and in the back of my head I knew it was probably a bad idea .. I talked to jesse about it but I don't think that mattered much cause he was already drunk (no more LIT's for him!) Well anyway we get to the party and i was not as thrilled as I wanted to be with hanging out with alot of my friends.. I swear I felt like i was at some highschool party everybody had some sort of drama he said she said stuff and people were drunk and nobody was really just being cool so I spent most of my time in the front yard talking to Amyjane. Well the night went on and pretty much short story i go in the back yard to go talk to jesse and out of no where fuck face brian comes up and just starts in on jesse next thing I know there on the ground fighting I mean I was pissed! what the fuck! Well needless to say Jesse beat his ass which was pretty fucking cool I have been waiting to see someone do that to him for a long time lol but yeah it kinda sucked because in the midst of all the happening i was like screaming insults at brian and it just brought a wave of flash backs cause thats all we ever did was fight like that even at parties to so it upset me made me feel all ugh inside and all i wanted to do was get in my car and just run the fucker over plus when ever we got them apart I kept trying to come up to Jesse and he just kept pushing me over and over and that was making me a little put off as well.. but anywho yeah it just went down hill from there Jesse was talking to someone on the phone while we were in the car leaving and and talking about how cool it was and to me it wasn't cool at all it was immature drunk bullshit granted it wasn't his fault at all I guess I was just put off by the way he was talking about it. So I told him " no it's not fucking cool you guys looked like a couple of drunk idiots rolling around on the ground" it just kinda came out and def. was not the best thing to say to him at that point cause he was really drunk and testosterone was raging so he went off on me and told me i was just like brian and that just hurt me and pissed me off beyond reason and I told him to get out of my car and of course in his state he did ... I waited Where I had stopped for a min. to calm myself down and reason with my self that he was drunk to ignore it he didn't mean and that i should not have said that but he would listen when he got in the car he just wanted to cuss and be mean the intire way home would not let me get one word in and i just kept trying to stay calm cause if i got all upset it wasn't going to help but I did I started crying and telling him to stop being mean but he was still in rage mode then we are pretty much back in moore not to far from home and My CLUTCH GOES OUT! couldn't get much worse other than jail or something so it's like three in the morning I have to call gigi to come get us she gets there and jesse took off WALKING! Grr come on man enough right? nope theres more then gigi tells me to use her phone to find out where he is at cause a drunk guy walkin around in moore with a warrant out isn't a good idea at all.. so I call him well her phone automatically goes to speaker phone through her car he answers I ask him where he is thens it's fuck you damn shit blah blah he was carrying on not really making any sense and gigi has to hear this which is really embarrassing for me. Then I go home cry and call my cousin to vent my terrible night then the sun comes up so I figure its time for bed. wake up this morning feeling shitty mad down and what not trying to get my car situation takin care of in the 101 degree weather well eventually I get ahold of Jesse and he just acts like he didn't a damn thing wrong and acting all weird cause he is with a friend and I have talked to him a few times after that and he is still just being weird and carless really so whatever fuck it my weekends been ruined anyway so I guess I am just set on fuck people right now. I hate this weekend and it sucks because lastnight at the beginning was so great! but anywho thats the weekend so far maybe tonight I go to jail or something like that!

Yep watching a documentary on theses crystal skulls having to do with the end of the world or something weird like that lol.. So I was in a really crap mood yesterday but it turned out better..Jesse was being really nice and he took me to eat some outback mmmm... and I got to watch Ferngully! I love that movie Batty is awesome! lol

Well it's tues woke up not to long ago and I am soooo tired today geez... well hmm what to write.. micheal Jackson died a few days ago I am watching American Idol and there doing his songs on here. Jess is at work right now and I miss him. The forth of July is this weekend and I have NO plans which is way weird. And well thats it for now!

Friday was fun at Tyler's got a bit TO drunk but it was still fun.When me and Jess got back to his house we had a bit of fun of our own ;) I got to hang out with old friends that i have not got to hang out with in a while. Sat. I did nothing but sleep eat and be completely lazy with Jess which was nice cause i didn't want to do a damn thing after the night before! lol today is Sunday Which jess and I did the same exact thing today LAZINESS then gigi made roast and carrots and potatoes and salad OMG MMMMMmm ! So yummy! now gigi jess and I are playing some online poker fun stuffs! =) thats it for now